A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can you Bear It?

Trick questions:

Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? Answer: Johnny, of course!

How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole!

What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly!

In Australia, you cannot take a picture of a woman with an artificial hip. Why not? Answer: You can’t take a picture with an artificial hip. You need a camera!

The parish priest was invited to a christening party. He asked the host, “Are you prepared for this solemn event”? “Oh, yes. We’ve got two hams, a big cake, lots of hors d’oevres. Everything you could need”. “No, I mean spiritually prepared”. “I think so! Two bottles of scotch, three of gin and five dozen beer”!

The new parish priest went to the pub to introduce himself to some of the locals. “My name is Paul”, he said. One of the locals looked at him for a moment and then said, “Tell me, did those Thessalonians ever write back to you”?

A man who hadn’t attended church in years suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing as was his normal habit. The pastor said to him, “How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services with your good lady wife”. “Well, preacher”, said the fisherman, “Quite honestly, it’s a matter of choice. I’d much rather hear your sermon than hers”!

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