A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘jokes’

Can You Bear It?

“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?” “Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.” The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher entered Plymouth Church on Sunday and found several letters waiting for him.  He opened one and […]

Can You Bear It?

A retired man volunteered to entertain the patients in the hospital. He took along his portable keyboard, told some jokes, and sang some funny songs. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too”. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s […]

Can You Bear It?

A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink. He hears someone whisper, “Pssst…I like your tie.” The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone. “Pssst…that colour looks nice on you.” He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to […]

Can You Bear It?

An elderly lady had stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was going into. The lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man said, […]

Can You Bear It?

Once upon a time there were four people named Everybody, Anybody, Somebody and Nobody. When there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. When Nobody did it Everybody got angry, because it was Somebody’s job. Everybody thought that Somebody would […]

Can You Bear It?

A man said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like one dollar?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, can I have one dollar?” “Sure,” said God. “Just […]

Can You Bear It?

An elderly teacher shuffled into class on the first day of the university year. He surveyed the students for a time and then said, “If you expect me to remember your names, please sit in the same seats each day.” After a pause, he added, “And don’t ever change your clothes!” ——————————————————— Joe was showing […]

Can You Bear It?

A rich family commissioned a well-known writer to write its history, asking that the author skirt around the fact that one uncle’s life of crime had come to an end in the electric chair. This is what he wrote: “Uncle William occupied a chair of applied electronics in one of the leading government institutions. He […]

Can You Bear It?

Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter from the MM, the author sent a letter to the editor. “Sir,” she began, “you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story. As a test I pasted some pages together. My story came back with these pages still stuck […]

Can You Bear It?

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew and swallow two centimetres of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine […]