A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘jokes’

Can You Bear It?

One liners: He had a photographic memory that was never developed! A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat! Runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat! A man dreamt he was a muffler. He woke up exhausted! Teacher: Why did the priest pass by on the other side of the road? […]

July Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the May Crossword was Joyce Taylor of Wigram, Christchurch. Solution for June Across: 1 Lord, 3 Barabbas, 9 Chimere, 10 Terce, 11 Orant, 12 Israel, 14 Simeon, 16 Philip, 19 Stigma, 21 Merit, 24 Ochre, 25 Galilee, 26 Dewberry, 27 Acid. Down: 1 Lacrosse, 2 Raita, 4 […]

Can you Bear It?

Trick questions: Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? Answer: Johnny, of course! How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole! […]

June Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the April Crossword was Raewyn Murray of Woodville. Solution for May Across: 1 Holy See, 5 Cupid, 8 Diaconate, 9 Nov, 10 Evade, 12 Godhead, 13 Consolation, 16 Aramaic, 18 Totem, 20 Tai, 21 Golf links, 23 Renal, 24 Yarrows. Down: 1 Hedge, 2 Lea, 3 Shovels, […]

Can you Bear It?

One liners: If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do. If you take your laptop for a run, you jog your memory. I went to see the eye doctor in Alaska. Turned out to be […]

April Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the March Crossword was Robert Thomson of North Sydney, NSW, Australia. Solution for April Across: 1 Prophet, 5 Arena, 8 Utter, 9 Introit, 10 Beatification, 11 Side, 12 Pyx, 13 RCIA, 17 Excommunicate, 20 Godhead, 21 Third, 22 Nurse, 23 Yardman. Down: 1 Plumb, 2 Outward, 3 […]

Can you Bear It?

What did the hat say to the scarf? I’ll go on ahead and you hang around. “My uncle in Melbourne tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from a Holden, the tyres from a Porsche, and the exhaust system from a Honda”. “Really? What did […]

Can you Bear It?

The army captain spoke sternly to the corporal: “Corporal, where’s that horse I told you I wanted shod?” “Did you say shod?” said the corporal. A priest was invited to a party. He was properly dressed, wearing his priest’s collar. A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the […]

Can You Bear It?

A moral conundrum for golfers: what do you do when your opponent claims to have found her ball in the rough and you know she is a liar because you’ve got her ball in your pocket? “Why don’t you play golf with Ted any more?” said the wife. “You two used to play together often”. […]

Can You Bear It?

“It’s my husband, doctor, he thinks he’s a hen”. “Good heavens, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “I would have, but we needed the eggs”. After giving a speech at the businessmen’s club, the bishop said to the reporter covering the event, “When you write your story, I’d be grateful if you didn’t mention the […]