A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘jokes’

Can You Bear It?

A man said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like one dollar?” “Yes,” said God. The man asked, “God, can I have one dollar?” “Sure,” said God. “Just […]

Can You Bear It?

An elderly teacher shuffled into class on the first day of the university year. He surveyed the students for a time and then said, “If you expect me to remember your names, please sit in the same seats each day.” After a pause, he added, “And don’t ever change your clothes!” ——————————————————— Joe was showing […]

Can You Bear It?

A rich family commissioned a well-known writer to write its history, asking that the author skirt around the fact that one uncle’s life of crime had come to an end in the electric chair. This is what he wrote: “Uncle William occupied a chair of applied electronics in one of the leading government institutions. He […]

Can You Bear It?

Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter from the MM, the author sent a letter to the editor. “Sir,” she began, “you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story. As a test I pasted some pages together. My story came back with these pages still stuck […]

Can You Bear It?

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew and swallow two centimetres of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine […]

Can You Bear It?

A man went to his doctor and said, “Help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is getting worse.” The doctor asked the man to look out the window. “Tell me what you see,” he said, pointing. “I see the sun,” the man replied. The doctor turned to him and asked, “Just how much farther do […]

Can You Bear It?

Real Estate Agent: “This house has its good points and its bad points. The disadvantages are a chemical plant one street south and a slaughterhouse one street north”. Prospective Buyer: “Goodness gracious! What are the advantages?” Agent: “You can always tell which way the wind is blowing”. ___________________________________________________ Blanche: Herb, if you don’t stop snoring, […]

Can You Bear It?

A Sunday School teacher challenged his children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there”. Optimist: “It doesn’t get any […]

Can You Bear It?

One liners: He had a photographic memory that was never developed! A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat! Runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat! A man dreamt he was a muffler. He woke up exhausted! Teacher: Why did the priest pass by on the other side of the road? […]

July Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the May Crossword was Joyce Taylor of Wigram, Christchurch. Solution for June Across: 1 Lord, 3 Barabbas, 9 Chimere, 10 Terce, 11 Orant, 12 Israel, 14 Simeon, 16 Philip, 19 Stigma, 21 Merit, 24 Ochre, 25 Galilee, 26 Dewberry, 27 Acid. Down: 1 Lacrosse, 2 Raita, 4 […]