A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘jokes’

Can You Bear It?

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew and swallow two centimetres of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine […]

Can You Bear It?

A man went to his doctor and said, “Help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is getting worse.” The doctor asked the man to look out the window. “Tell me what you see,” he said, pointing. “I see the sun,” the man replied. The doctor turned to him and asked, “Just how much farther do […]

Can You Bear It?

Real Estate Agent: “This house has its good points and its bad points. The disadvantages are a chemical plant one street south and a slaughterhouse one street north”. Prospective Buyer: “Goodness gracious! What are the advantages?” Agent: “You can always tell which way the wind is blowing”. ___________________________________________________ Blanche: Herb, if you don’t stop snoring, […]

Can You Bear It?

A Sunday School teacher challenged his children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there”. Optimist: “It doesn’t get any […]

Can You Bear It?

One liners: He had a photographic memory that was never developed! A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat! Runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat! A man dreamt he was a muffler. He woke up exhausted! Teacher: Why did the priest pass by on the other side of the road? […]

July Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the May Crossword was Joyce Taylor of Wigram, Christchurch. Solution for June Across: 1 Lord, 3 Barabbas, 9 Chimere, 10 Terce, 11 Orant, 12 Israel, 14 Simeon, 16 Philip, 19 Stigma, 21 Merit, 24 Ochre, 25 Galilee, 26 Dewberry, 27 Acid. Down: 1 Lacrosse, 2 Raita, 4 […]

Can you Bear It?

Trick questions: Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? Answer: Johnny, of course! How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole! […]

June Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the April Crossword was Raewyn Murray of Woodville. Solution for May Across: 1 Holy See, 5 Cupid, 8 Diaconate, 9 Nov, 10 Evade, 12 Godhead, 13 Consolation, 16 Aramaic, 18 Totem, 20 Tai, 21 Golf links, 23 Renal, 24 Yarrows. Down: 1 Hedge, 2 Lea, 3 Shovels, […]

Can you Bear It?

One liners: If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do. If you take your laptop for a run, you jog your memory. I went to see the eye doctor in Alaska. Turned out to be […]

April Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the March Crossword was Robert Thomson of North Sydney, NSW, Australia. Solution for April Across: 1 Prophet, 5 Arena, 8 Utter, 9 Introit, 10 Beatification, 11 Side, 12 Pyx, 13 RCIA, 17 Excommunicate, 20 Godhead, 21 Third, 22 Nurse, 23 Yardman. Down: 1 Plumb, 2 Outward, 3 […]