A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘jokes’

July Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the May Crossword was Joyce Taylor of Wigram, Christchurch. Solution for June Across: 1 Lord, 3 Barabbas, 9 Chimere, 10 Terce, 11 Orant, 12 Israel, 14 Simeon, 16 Philip, 19 Stigma, 21 Merit, 24 Ochre, 25 Galilee, 26 Dewberry, 27 Acid. Down: 1 Lacrosse, 2 Raita, 4 […]

Can you Bear It?

Trick questions: Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? Answer: Johnny, of course! How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole! […]

June Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the April Crossword was Raewyn Murray of Woodville. Solution for May Across: 1 Holy See, 5 Cupid, 8 Diaconate, 9 Nov, 10 Evade, 12 Godhead, 13 Consolation, 16 Aramaic, 18 Totem, 20 Tai, 21 Golf links, 23 Renal, 24 Yarrows. Down: 1 Hedge, 2 Lea, 3 Shovels, […]

Can you Bear It?

One liners: If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do. If you take your laptop for a run, you jog your memory. I went to see the eye doctor in Alaska. Turned out to be […]

April Crossword by Max

The winner of the Marist Messenger prize for the March Crossword was Robert Thomson of North Sydney, NSW, Australia. Solution for April Across: 1 Prophet, 5 Arena, 8 Utter, 9 Introit, 10 Beatification, 11 Side, 12 Pyx, 13 RCIA, 17 Excommunicate, 20 Godhead, 21 Third, 22 Nurse, 23 Yardman. Down: 1 Plumb, 2 Outward, 3 […]

Can you Bear It?

What did the hat say to the scarf? I’ll go on ahead and you hang around. “My uncle in Melbourne tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from a Holden, the tyres from a Porsche, and the exhaust system from a Honda”. “Really? What did […]

Can you Bear It?

The army captain spoke sternly to the corporal: “Corporal, where’s that horse I told you I wanted shod?” “Did you say shod?” said the corporal. A priest was invited to a party. He was properly dressed, wearing his priest’s collar. A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the […]

Can You Bear It?

A moral conundrum for golfers: what do you do when your opponent claims to have found her ball in the rough and you know she is a liar because you’ve got her ball in your pocket? “Why don’t you play golf with Ted any more?” said the wife. “You two used to play together often”. […]

Can You Bear It?

“It’s my husband, doctor, he thinks he’s a hen”. “Good heavens, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “I would have, but we needed the eggs”. After giving a speech at the businessmen’s club, the bishop said to the reporter covering the event, “When you write your story, I’d be grateful if you didn’t mention the […]

Can You Bear It?

The doctor had an urgent call from a man saying his small son had swallowed a fountain pen. “I’ll come right away”, said the doctor. “What are you doing in the meantime?” “Using a pencil”, was the reply. _____________________________________________ The bore was describing his experience at the Grand Canyon. “There I stood”, he declaimed, “drinking […]