Can You Bear It?

After being away on business for a week before his wife’s birthday, Tom thought it would be nice to bring her a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the shop assistant. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tom complained. The clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom got annoyed. “What I mean is that I’d like to see something really cheap.” So shop assistant gave him a mirror.

“Oh, zen master...tell me of fate.” “Ah, my son ... it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired people of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable everyone to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time.” “And that, my master, is fate?” said the pupil. “Oh, fate! I thought you said freight!”

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him, “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!” But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough,. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “You brought paving stones!”