A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Tag Archive for ‘clean jokes’

Can You Bear It?

Once upon a time there were four people named Everybody, Anybody, Somebody and Nobody. When there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. When Nobody did it Everybody got angry, because it was Somebody’s job. Everybody thought that Somebody would […]

Can You Bear It?

Having been married for fifty years, the wife was asked what advice she would give to a newly married couple. She said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'” Everyone then looked at the husband, who said, “She’s probably right.” An American tourist in Paris asked a local what the […]

Can You Bear It?

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew and swallow two centimetres of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine […]

Can You Bear It?

A man was amazed to see a dog playing poker in a bar. “Bartender, is that a real dog playing poker”? he asked. “Yes. He’s a real dog”. “Is he any good”? “No. Whenever he has a good hand, he wags his tail”! A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to university. […]

Can You Bear It?

It has been scientifically proven that 97% of people are stupid. Fortunately, I belong to the other 5%! Three good mates from Our Lady of Kapiti church were asked, “When you’re in your coffin, and friends are mourning over you, what would you like them to say”? Bill said, “I would like them to say […]

Can You Bear It?

Rich man: “I began life without a cent in my pocket”. Another rich man: “That’s nothing. I began life without a pocket”. Customer: “You’re sure one bottle will cure a cold?” Chemist: “It must, madam. Nobody’s ever come back for a second”. “Isn’t it strange that Tim can be so lucky at cards and so […]

Can You Bear It?

Fr O’Connor was delighted when he received an anonymous gift and when he told the praish council about it, he proposed it should be used to buy a new chandelier for the body of the church.  However, it was put to a vote and the priest was disappointed when his proposal was narrowly defeated. Fr […]

Can You Bear It?

From a poster in a church in France … “When you enter this church it may be possible that you hear ‘the call of God.’ However, it is unlikely that God will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning your phone off. If you want to talk to God, come in, choose a […]

Can You Bear It?

At the end of their first date, a young fellow took his girlfriend back to her home. On the front porch, leaning against the wall with a bit of swagger, he decided to try for that important first kiss. He: “Sweet thing, how ’bout a good night kiss?” She: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. My […]

Can You Bear It?

They had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, “Hey Mom…what’s this?” “Oh…that’s an old typewriter,” she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.  “Well what does it do?” they asked.  “I’ll show you,” she said and returned with a blank piece of […]