A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear it?

A driver got a speeding ticket and went to pay the fine.

The police clerk issued a receipt for payment and the annoyed driver said,

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Keep it," the clerk advised. "If you collect enough of them, you get a bicycle!"


A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those jazzy 4-wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!"


Stephen King has a brother named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.


The golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset, and sought out the farmer.

"I'm sorry," he said, "my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?"

"I don't know about that," replied the farmer, mulling it over. "How many eggs do you lay a day?"


Getting OLD and other things

I used to be able to do cartwheels.
Now I tip over putting on my underwear.

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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me.

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At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

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The officer said, "You drinking?” I said, "You buying?” We just laughed and laughed…. Now I need bail money.

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Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

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Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.


If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed; we're having a staff meeting.


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