Can You Bear It?

Can you Bear It?

“Do you love me with all your heart and soul?” asked Becky on Valentines Day.

“Mmm hmm,” replied Dave.

“Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Do you think my lips are like rose petals?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Oh Dave,” gushed Becky, “you say the most beautiful things!”

Have you heard the rumour that the lights blackout at  Superbowl 2013 was caused by the singer Beyoncé’s hair drier!

A true story

A religious community were doing a trivia quiz over morning tea and the question came up what was the most common type of beef in NZ? A senior member of the group muttered “Clydesdale”.

An angry motorist went back to the garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier. “Listen,” the motorist growled to the owner of the garage, “when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!” “Sorry,” apologized the garage owner. “I didn’t think your car would last longer than that.”

A tour bus arrived at Runnymede, England. The guide asked the tourists to gather around and then said, “You are standing on the very spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.” A man in the  group asked, “When did that happen?” “1215,” the guide answered. The tourist looked at his watch, “Rats!” he said, “Missed it by half an hour”

A Congressman and two friends - a rabbi and a Hindu holy man - had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” chimed the rabbi. ” With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn. “What’s wrong?” asked the farmer. He replied, “I can’t sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn”. His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door. “What’s wrong now?” the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replied, “There is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can’t sleep on holy ground!”Well, that left only the Congressman to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn. Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer’s door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened
the door, and there stood ... the pig and the cow.