A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

A Sunday School teacher challenged his children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there”.


Optimist: “It doesn’t get any better than this!” Pessimist: “That’s what I’m afraid of.”


A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you”. “Nonsense”, said the pastor, in a flattered tone. “No, really”, said the old lady, “I’ve been here under five different ministers, and each one has been worse than the last!”


After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, “You were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for an hour and said nothing”. “Thank you”, said the preacher. “Yes”, she continued. “You did it in fifteen minutes”.


The rain was pouring down outside a pub. There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old man, drenched, holding a a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water. A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?”  “Fishing”, replied the old man. Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says,  “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me”. In the warmth of the pub, and as they sipped their whiskies, the gent asked, “So how many have you caught today?” “You’re the eighth”, replied the old man!


Because of Covid19 the seven dwarves have been told that they can meet only in groups of six: one of them isn’t Happy!


Two girls were giggling during the sermon. The preacher said,  “Someone here is not getting much out of this message”. The girls quietened down. After the service, the preacher greeted people at the church door. Three adults apologised for sleeping in church!  


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