Can You Bear It?

A burglar decided to steal from the safe in a corner dairy. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob". He did so. Straight away a heavy sandbag fell on his head, the whole building was floodlit, and alarm bells clanged. As he was carried out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "Can't trust nobody no more!"

A young man had just got his learner's licence and inquired of his father, a pastor, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him into his study and said to the teen, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible more, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car”. Well, the teen thought about it for a moment and decided he would settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about 6 weeks, the boy came back and again asked his father about using the car. Again, they went to the study, where his father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You brought your grades up, and I've observed that you've been studying your Bible more, and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut”. The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair”. His father replied, "You're right son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”

A teenager who had just received her learner's licence offered to drive her parents to church. They got there after a hair-raising ride. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Any time", said her daughter. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God".

The interviewer greets an applicant for the job of night watchman. His first question is, "What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?" The applicant replies, "The slightest noise wakes me up".