A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

An English professor wrote the words ‘A woman without her man is nothing’ on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: ‘A woman, without her man, is nothing.’ The women wrote: ‘A woman: without her, man is nothing.’ Punctuation is everything!

After the christening of his little sister, Johnny cried all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, he replied, ‘That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!’

The parish priest announced, ‘Before we take up the collection, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!’ The collection plate went around, and for the first time in ages, everyone put something in it!

Attached to the back of a carriage pulled by a horse, a notice saying, ‘Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.’

Two sharks are swimming along looking for food. They come across a person on a lilo. One shark says to the other, ‘Isn’t it a pity that food has so much plastic packaging these days!’

A woman who had led rather a sheltered life went to the zoo one day with some friends. The notice on the kangaroo’s cage read, ‘Native of Australia.’ ‘Good grief,’ said the woman. ‘I have a cousin married to one of them!’   

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