Can You Bear It?

A woman and her husband interrupted their holiday to go to the dentist. ‘I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry,’ the woman said. ‘Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way.’ The dentist was impressed. ‘You're certainly a brave woman,’ he said. ‘Which tooth is it?’ The woman turned to her husband and said, ‘Show him your tooth, dear.’

Training at the parachute school takes three weeks. In the first week, they sort out the men from the boys. In the second week, they sort out the men from the fools. In the third week, the fools jump!

The rain fell, the water rose, and the people in Petone scrambled up onto their rooftops to safety. They yelled across the flood to one another, making sure everybody was accounted for, and excitedly identified things that floated by: ‘There goes Jack's tool shed!’ ‘Golly, that’s the parish priest’s garage!’ Then somebody noticed a straw hat behaving strangely. It floated downstream about 20 metres, then stopped and came back upstream! After 20 metres it floated back downstream, then stopped and came upstream again. Nobody had a clue what was going on, till finally little Millie piped up: ‘Well, this morning Grandad said he was gonna mow the front lawn, come hell or high water.’

Three churches in town were overrun with possums. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? They did nothing, and the possums multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding that they should not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the possums and then set them free outside of town. Three days later the possums were back. The third church succeeded in solving the possum problem. The elders simply baptised the possums and registered them as members of the church. Now they see the possums only for funerals and weddings!