A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card. It said, ‘Rest in Peace.’ The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, ‘Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’

John was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, he said, ‘Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up beer.’ Just then a parking space miraculously appeared! John looked up again and said, ‘Never mind. I found one!’

The shipwrecked sailor had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, ‘With the captain’s compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.’

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. ‘Worker ants,’ she told them, ‘can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?’ One child was ready with the answer: ‘They don’t have a union.’

A man who was really mean was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken. He could buy it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit. In due time, he received a note: ‘Thanks for the vase,’ it read. ‘It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.’

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