Can You Bear It?

A Brownie leader was teaching her charges about survival in the desert. ‘What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?’ she asked. One little girl replied, ‘A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.’ ‘Why’s that, Betty?’ ‘Well,’ said Betty, ‘the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration...’ ‘And what about the deck of cards?’ ‘Well, as soon as you start playing Patience, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, ‘Put that red nine on top of that black ten!’

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old daughter to school, drove through a red light. ‘Oops, I just did something illegal,’ he said. ‘Dad, it’s probably okay,’ the daughter said. ‘The police car behind us just did the same thing.’

The parish priest announced that their prison choir would be singing. Many members of the congregation were puzzled when people from the pews approached the front of the church. Then the priest introduced them: ‘This is our prison choir,’ he said, ‘behind a few bars, and always looking for the key.’

A lawyer and his wife were having difficulty in renting a home, because they had twelve children. When they said they had twelve children, no one would rent a house to them because they knew that the children would wreck the place. The lawyer could not say that he had no children, because lawyers cannot and do not lie. So, he asked his wife to take eleven of the children for a walk in the cemetery. He took the remaining child with him to visit houses with the real estate agent. He said he would like to rent one of the houses, and the agent asked, ‘How many children do you have?’ He answered, ‘Twelve.’ The agent asked, ‘Where are the others?’ With a sad look on his face, the lawyer answered, ‘In the cemetery, with their mother.’ And that’s how he and his wife were able to rent a home for their family without lying!