Can You Bear It?

Employer: Look here, when you were employed you said you’d had five years’ experience. I found out last night that you’ve just left school. What have you to say for yourself?
Employee: Well, sir, you said the firm needed a man with imagination.

A priest and a lawyer were chatting at a party. “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the priest asked. “Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” The priest replied, “Oh, more or less the same. For example, the other day I meant to say ‘the devil is the father of liars,’ but instead I said ‘the devil is the father of lawyers,’ so I let it go.”

The abbess said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.” Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the abbess said to her, ‘Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.” Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” the abbess said, “We will get you a better bed.” After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the abbess: “You may say another two words, Sister Mary.” “Cold food,” said Sister Mary, and the abbess assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the abbess again called Sister Mary in to her office. “You may say two words today.” “I quit,” said Sister Mary. “It’s probably best,” said the abbess, “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”