Can You Bear It?

A tourist in Vienna was walking through a cemetery when he heard music. There was no one around, so he started looking for the source. He located the origin and found the music was coming from a grave with a headstone that read, ‘Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770 - 1827.’ He realised that the music was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and it was being played backwards. Puzzled, he left the cemetery and persuaded a friend to return with him. By the time they arrived back at the grave, the music had changed. This time it was the Seventh Symphony, and just as with the Ninth, it was being played backwards. To find out what was going on, the men agreed to consult a music scholar. When they returned with the expert, the Fifth Symphony was playing, again backwards. The expert noticed that the symphonies were being played in the reverse order to that in which they were composed -- the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word had spread, and a crowd had gathered around the grave. They were all listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards. Just then the cemetery’s grave digger wandered up to the group. Asked if he had an explanation for the music, he replied, ‘I would have thought it was obvious. He’s decomposing.’

I don’t think I got the job at Apple. They haven’t responded to my telegram.

A Canterbury University graduate applied for a spy job at the Secret Intelligence Service in Pipitea Street. Together with several other applicants, she was given a sealed packet and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the young woman was alone, she stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read, ‘You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor.’

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. A little girl interrupted, ‘My dad looked back once, while he was driving,’ she announced triumphantly, ‘and he turned into a power pole!’