A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

Bear Laughing_cropThe Vicar of Dibley was on a diet for Lent. She took the diet so seriously that she avoided driving past her favourite bakery. On the twentieth day of Lent, though, she turned up at the parish council meeting with a bag of cakes. The parish council members told her off, but she kept smiling, saying they were very special cakes. She said she’d forgotten to avoid driving past the bakery, and she’d felt that it was no accident she was there, so she’d prayed, ‘Lord, if you want me to have some cakes, let there be a parking space right in front of the bakery.’ ‘So your prayer was answered?’ asked the parish chairperson. ‘It certainly was! A parking space opened up right in front of the bakery on my eighth time around the block!’


A well-worn five dollar note and a similarly distressed fifty dollar note arrived at the Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The fifty reminisced about its travels all over the country.
‘I’ve had a pretty good life,’ he said. ‘I’ve been to the casino in Auckland and to the best restaurants in Wellington, performances at the St James Theatre, and even on a cruise around the Pacific.’
‘Wow!’ said the five. ‘You’ve really had an exciting life!’
‘So, tell me,’ says the fifty, ‘where have you been throughout your lifetime?’
The five dollar note replies, ‘Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist, Baptist, Anglican and Catholic churches.’
The fifty dollar note interrupts, ‘What’s a church?’


A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. ‘Mum,’ she said, ‘can we leave now?’  ‘No,’ her mother replied. ‘Well, I think I have to throw up!’ ‘Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.’ After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

‘Did you throw up?’ Mum asked. ‘Yes.’ ‘How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?’ ‘I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mum. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.’

Tagged as:

Comments are closed.