Can You Bear It?

Can you Bear It?

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen.

He asked her about it.

“This is the Masterson diamond,” she said. “It’s beautiful, but there’s a terrible curse that goes with it.”

“What’s the curse?” the man asked.

“Mr. Masterson.”

A lady who was speeding was pulled over to the side of the road by an officer.

She didn’t have her seatbelt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?”

“Oh, yes I do, officer,” she replied.

“Well,” asked the officer, “do you always loop it through your steering wheel?”

A tough old cowboy once counselled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is because this prescription is marked “NO REPEATS!”