Can you Bear It?

The  Best Way To Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the  best positions for prayer, while a telephone  repairman worked nearby.

“Kneeling is  definitely the best way to pray,” the priest  said.

“No,” said the minister. “I get the  best results standing with my hands outstretched  to Heaven.”

“You’re both wrong,” the guru  said. “The most effective prayer position is  lying down on the floor.”

The repairman  could contain himself no longer. “Hey, fellas,”  he interrupted. “The best prayin’ I ever did was  when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone  pole.”

Johnny: “Do you think people can predict the future with cards?”

Jimmy: “My mother sure can. She takes one look at my report card and tells me exactly what will happen when Dad gets home.”

Cemetery Humour

Henry Edsel Smith  of Albany, New York
Born 1903--Died 1942

Looked  up an elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

In a cemetery in  Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle went  out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg       Falls ,Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna,

done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,

but the skin of the thing that made her go

On a grave from the 1880s  in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there’s only the pod,

Pease shelled out and went to God.