Can you Bear It?

Lovely Service Vicar

A preacher was being very long-winded while a grandfather and child were becoming restless. The boy spotted the red light in the sanctuary, and eagerly asked his grandfather ,“When that light turns to green, can we go?”

Another preacher was being very long-winded when a man got up and started to leave. The preacher said to him: “ Where do you think you are going?” The man answered that he had an appointment for a haircut. The preacher said: “Could you not have got an appointment before the service?”  The man answered; “When you started to preach, I did not need one!”

Yet another Preacher was being so long-winded that an elderly woman in the front row fell asleep. The preacher noticed, and asked a small boy in the front row to wake her. The boy replied: “Why should I?  You put her to sleep!”

A man walked out during a tedious sermon. “I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”

“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.

“It’s not a reflection on you, Father,” insisted the churchgoer. “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study that country’s greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

“Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.”

“Oh my, “the grandmother says. “He and I must have the same landlord.”

A bigamist was before the court and claimed to the judge: “I have always been earnest and frank in my dealings with women.”

“Yes ,” declared the judge, “Earnest in New York, and Frank in Chicago!”