A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can you bear it?

“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday,” little Joshua said to his uncle. “It’s the best present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it?” “Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow replied. “My mum gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!”

A reporter, interviewing Jack Nicklaus: “Jack, you are spectacular! You really know your way around the course.  What is your secret?” Jack: “Actually, the holes are numbered. And what is more, I designed the course.”

Tourist:  “What an interesting necklace.  What is it made of?” Native:  “Alligator’s teeth. ” Tourist:  “I suppose they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”Native:  “Oh!  No, no; anybody can open an oyster.”

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER!


But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said,  “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

Who said computers were corny?

What is a computer’s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory

What does a baby computer call his father?

What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk

Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat

What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness

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