Can You Bear It?

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight”, he replied.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled: The Meaning of Dreams.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. 

When asked to define ‘great’ he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for IRD writing tax regulations.

While carrying 3-year-old Matthew up the stairs, I told him, “Just think, when you get older you can carry me up the stairs”.

He thought about this and then, with a worried look, he asked, “Will you be any smaller?”

If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.

The Prime Minister decided it was time to do some public relations at a local nursing home.

She began her ‘tour’ down the main hallway and passed by a little old man who didn’t seem to notice her. Sensing this, the Prime Minister backtracked to the resident and asked, “Do you know who I am?”

The little old man looked up from his walker and said, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you”.

A man asked a lawyer: “What is your fee?”

The lawyer replied: “$1000 for three questions”.

The man was astounded: “Wow - so much! Isn’t that a bit expensive?”

The lawyer responded: “Yes. What’s your third question?”