A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit takes a look around and says, “I think I’m a typo.”

A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception”. The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation”. The rabbi says, “You are both wrong. Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies.”

Bringing my dog named SHARK to the beach yesterday was probably not the best idea.

A teenage girl had been talking on her phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours or more. What happened?"

"Wrong number..." replied the girl.

The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake!

What is it called when you teach people the benefits of eating dried grapes? Raisin awareness.

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

My friend just found out that he failed the exam to get into the air force. Apparently the bomb bay doors are not an Indian tribute band!

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