A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

Bear-Laughing-300x294A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy - one for the clutch, and one for the accelerator.”

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.  Looking up, he asks the Lord. “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.” Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.” Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?” The Lord replies, “In a minute.”

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has some bread? The bar tender says no. The duck asks again, “Do you have some bread?” The bar tender says no. He asks yet again, “Do you have some bread?” The bar tender says, “No, and if you ask me again I will nail your beak to the bar.” The duck asks, “Do you have some nails?” The bar tender says no. The duck says, “Got some bread?”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan”. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

When the new Pope Francis urged his countrymen not to fly to Rome for his installation  and give the money to the poor, someone sang a song: “Don’t fly for me Argentina”


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