A Catholic Monthly Magazine

Can You Bear It?

A Court Reporter records this exchange

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?


ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

An irritated father complained to his golf buddy, “When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved.  But my son has his own  TV, telephone, computer, and every computer game and CD player in his room!”

“So how do you handle it?” his friend asked.

“I send him to MY room!”

A professor - an atheist - was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no a God.

He said, “God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am God, I’m still waiting”

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard about what the professor said.

The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, “Where did you come from, and why did you do that?”

The football player replied, “God was busy. He sent me.”

A young woman brought her  episcopalian fiance to visit her parents. After a nice dinner, the father invited the fiance to the library for a talk.

“So what are your plans?” he asked the young man. “I am a seminary student,” he replied.

“A seminary student. Hmmm,” said the father. “Admirable, but how will you provide a home for my daughter?”

“I will study,” the young man said, “and God will provide for us.” “And how will you buy her an engagement ring, such as she deserves?” “I will focus on my studies and God will provide for us.” “And how will you support your children?”

“Don’t worry, sir. God will provide.”

Later, when the mother asked about the male conversation, the father sighed, “Well, he has no job and no plan, but the good news is: he thinks I’m God!”

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