Can You Bear It?

PART 1: Garden of Eden Lore

Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cain and Abel when the boys were young. Cain and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.

Then they took a long look at where they lived. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.

“Daddy? Why don’t we live in there instead of out here?” they asked innocently. Adam said, “Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home.”

PART 2:

Do you know the phone number for the Garden of Eden?

It’s Adam 8-1-2!

Cross Purposes

A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed to a recruiting mission. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young Marine are interested in each other because they are giving each other “looks.”  Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young Marine to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The commanding officer is sitting there thinking:  “I didn’t think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking:  “I’m glad the Marine kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face.  He thought to himself:  “Life is good.  When does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time?!”

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d poison your tea.”   He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

George Bernard Shaw gave Churchill a ticket for opening night, and another “for a friend if you have one”.  Churchill replied “Can’t make opening night - will come on 2nd night if there is one”