Can You Bear It?

It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

Now that’s dry!

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At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.  The bride’s grandparents took the honours. The DJ asked them: “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”

The grandma said: “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’”

Everyone then looked at the grandpa for his answer.
He, wisely, answered: “She’s probably right.”

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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes, Dad, what is it?

“Son, don’t be nervous, just do your best and, if the surgery doesn’t go well and I don’t make it, just remember, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

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One lazy Saturday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, “When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other jerk using my stuff.”

She looked at me intently and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another jerk?”