Can You Bear It?

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time. (Her previous 3 husbands had passed away.) The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her to tell him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.” “Oh,” she paused, “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he.”

Little Ben came into the house with a new harmonica. “Granpa, do you mid if I play this in here?” “Of course not, Ben. I love music. In fact when your Grandma and I were young, music saved my life.” “What happened?” “Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house, it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.” “How about you?” “Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”