Can You Bear It?

A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. She says to the shop assistant,”May I have  50 Christmas stamps?”

The assistant  says, “What denomination?”

The blond says “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptists.”

Some buffalo were grazing on the range when a tourist said, “Those are the mangiest, scroungiest beasts I have ever seen.”

One buffalo turned to the other and said, “You know...I think I just heard a discouraging word.”

A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on - neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf.”

Steve noticed that Dewey was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong.

“Well,” said Dewey, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”

“What kind of question?” asked Steve.

“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”

“That’s easy,” said Steve. “You just say ‘Of course I will’.”

“Yeah,” said Dewey, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO...’”