Can You Bear It?

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch and sit with them, so she put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: “Any of you men know Jesus Christ?” They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused. Then, one of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?” One of the steelworkers yelled back down, “Why?” The worker yelled back, “‘Cos his mum’s here with his lunch.”

The Zen master asked the hot dog vendor, “Can you make me one with everything?” The hot dog vendor handed him his hot dog and the Zen master handed him $10. After a few minutes the Zen master asked, “What about the change?” The hot dog vendor replied, “My son, the change must come from within.”

A lady was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, she walked up to a very sleepy-looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.” The gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one. I’m glad he’s done, too!”

An old bushman told his granddaughter if she wanted to live a long life to sprinkle a bit of gunpowder on her cereal every morning. She did that religiously till she died, aged 103. She left 14 children, 25 grandchildren, 42 great grandchildren, 12 great great grandchildren and a 15 metre deep hole where the crematorium used to be.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless!

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation!

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing!